Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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