capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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