there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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