i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
