Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
