did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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