Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
