Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
