Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
