I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
