What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
