too bad you live with your parents still
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
