Whatcha textin bout Willis?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
