How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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