He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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