I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
