You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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