you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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