fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
