one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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