we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
