Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
