I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
