mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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