my sisters under your porch take her home
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
