i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
