U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
