I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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