i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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