Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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