you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
