I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am full of burrito and curiosity
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
