:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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