Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
