am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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