We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
