saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
