how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
