you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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