Just fell off a train. Bad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
