Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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