he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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