I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
