Already got asked if we're dating
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We need to rekindle our bromance
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
