i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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