No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
