i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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