I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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