i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
