If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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