So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
