so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i believe in u and ur pee
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
